Kendra Wilkinson Thought She Was Going to Die Amid Depression Battle

Kendra Wilkinson is opening up about a difficult period. 

The 38-year-old spoke out about her ongoing struggles with mental health, sharing they came to a head in September when a depression-induced panic attack landed her in the hospital. 

"I was in a state of panic," Kendra recalled of the moment to People in an interview published Jan. 17. "I didn't know what was going on in my head and my body or why I was crying. I had hit rock bottom. I was dying of depression."

She continued, "I was hitting the end of my life, and I went into psychosis. I felt like I wasn't strong enough to live anymore."

After back-to-back hospital visits Kendra began outpatient therapy three times a week at UCLA. And as part of that, she unpacked unresolved trauma from her youth and time in Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion.

"It's not easy to look back at my 20s," she explained. "I've had to face my demons. Playboy really messed my whole life up."

Kendra characterized the weeks leading up to her hospitalization as the "lowest place" she'd ever gotten to.

"I would never go out of my way to kill myself, but I was just like, ‘God, take me. God, take me,'" the Girls Next Door alum admitted. "I felt like I had no future. I couldn't see in front of my depression. I was giving up and I couldn't find the light. I had no hope."

But thankfully, Kendra had a support system she could count on, which included ex-husband Hank Baskett.

"Hank driving me to the hospital that day was out of care. It wasn't out of marriage," she said of her ex, with whom she shares son Hank IV, 14, and daughter Alijah, 9. "To accept help that day and for Hank to drive me to the hospital was a huge day in both of our lives. It was a big day for my family and kids. I didn't realize how bad I was suffering or what people were seeing of me until I got there. I had to really look in the mirror and be like, ‘I need help.'"

She added, "To accept medication was the hardest thing to do. It meant I had to accept that I have some mental illness, and I didn't want to have to do that."

For her, coming to terms with her diagnosis was an important step forward.

"Depression is something that doesn't just go away," she reflected. "It's something that stays with you through life. You just have to learn to work with it and accept it. And it's a part of me. What therapy did was that it built this tool system for me. So now I have the strength and the foundation I need to overcome my depression." 

These days, Kendra is in a better place—and is in awe at how far she's come on her journey.

"I'm living now," she said. "I really faced myself and my demons. I feel like I'm the best mom I can be. I'm giving my kids all I got. I'm giving myself all I got."

She continued, "I'm so proud of myself for battling this and finding the solution and getting the treatment I needed. And it's one step at a time. I survived."

If you or someone you know needs help, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call the network, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.